Love that covers

Ah! It's the close of a glorious, adventure-filled summer and the beginning of a different journey.

This week the kids start school. After five and a half years of home educating, we now have four kids starting out a school year in two of our local, public schools.  It's busy.  It's scattered. And it reminds me of my wedding day.  There was anticipation, excitement, longing, fear, joy, exhaustion.  It was a whirlwind- spinning, running, dancing, falling, collapsing...and even vomiting.  

But this terror?  Why this suffocating, crushing feeling? I think it's the nakedness that I feel.  I'm inviting another group of strangers into our story. A group of people passionate about their work. Visionaries even. Beautiful, broken people like me.  I'm inviting this team into my home. They are coming into my family to influence us.  All those people that I've never met will spend countless hours with the children I hold dearer than my own life.

It's really a trust thing. I'm having to yield- to let go- to trust.  And I don't.  I don't trust them.  I don't trust "the system" or the individuals.  I don't know them.  Isn't trust built?   And so I weep.  No, I sob.  I cry until I feel as though my skull will split because this nakedness seems more vulnerable than I can bear. This giving up- this letting go feels like more than I bargained for.

I know that I need these people.  I need these enthusiastic educators. I need their investment.  I need their vision and passion and varied skills and abilities pouring into our lives...our home. I need this community.  Oh! how desperately I need...and yet.  I fear.  I fear the unknowns, the knowns, the journey ahead.

I am wooed to He who I do trust. The God who carries and covers and defends.  My God.  The God of my children.  The God who set worlds in motion.  Yes, I trust Him- the God of love. Love that quiets.  Love that settles. The love that casts away fear.  Yes, and love that clothes my nakedness.